Self-Worth Vs Self-Confidence: What’s the difference and what does it mean to you?

In this video clip, we chat about the distinct and important difference between self-confidence and self-worth.
Give it a listen and send a message to share how this resonates with you ✨

The Line of Choice Thinking: Navigating Above and Below the Line

In the vast landscape of personal development and leadership, the concept of "The Line of Choice" thinking offers a powerful framework for understanding our reactions and behaviors in various situations. This conceptual line distinguishes between two zones of thinking: "Above the Line" and "Below the Line," each encapsulating a set of attitudes and responses to life's challenges. By exploring these zones, we can learn how to take ownership of our thoughts and actions, fostering a more empowered and proactive stance in life.

Understanding Above the Line Thinking

Above the Line thinking is characterized by an attitude of accountability, responsibility, and ownership. When we operate from this mindset, we acknowledge our power to influence our circumstances and outcomes. This mode of thinking encourages us to look for solutions rather than blame, to see opportunities in challenges, and to take proactive steps towards our goals. It's about asking, "What can I do?" instead of lamenting over what cannot be changed.

The Realm of Below the Line Thinking

Conversely, Below the Line thinking is marked by blame, excuses, and denial. It's a defensive stance where individuals see themselves as victims of their circumstances, external forces, or other people. This mindset breeds a sense of powerlessness and resignation, hindering personal growth and the ability to make positive changes. Key phrases that signal Below the Line thinking include "It's not my fault," "There's nothing I can do," or "That's just the way things are."

Bridging the Gap: Taking Ownership of Our Thoughts

The first step in moving from Below to Above the Line thinking is awareness. Recognizing when we're slipping into a victim mentality allows us to pause and reassess our approach. Here are practical strategies to cultivate Above the Line thinking:

1. Practice Self-Reflection: Regularly reflect on your responses to challenges. Are you defaulting to blame or looking for solutions? Self-reflection fosters self-awareness, enabling you to consciously choose your stance.

2. Embrace Responsibility: Start by acknowledging that your reactions and attitudes are within your control, even if the situation itself is not. This shift in perspective can be profoundly empowering.

3. Focus on Solutions: Instead of fixating on problems or who's to blame, direct your energy towards finding solutions. Ask yourself, "What action can I take to improve this situation?"

4. Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Embrace challenges as opportunities for learning and growth. A growth mindset helps you see setbacks as temporary and surmountable, fueling your motivation to persist and adapt.

5. Seek Feedback: Constructive feedback from others can provide valuable insights into your thinking patterns. Be open to receiving feedback and use it as a tool for self-improvement.

6. Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledging what you're grateful for can shift your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant in your life. This positive outlook nurtures Above the Line thinking.

The Line of Choice thinking isn't just a theory; it's a practical guide for everyday living. By consciously choosing to live Above the Line, we take ownership of our lives, fostering resilience, empowerment, and positive change. It's a journey of self-discovery, requiring patience, commitment, and a willingness to grow. As we navigate this path, we not only enhance our personal well-being but also inspire those around us to embrace a more accountable and proactive approach to life.

The Three Big Ls: Lonely, Lost, and Lack of Resources

As a coach, I’m met with a wide array of obstacles that clients face, but over time, I have found that the most prevalent and common struggles clients experience are what I like to call the Three Big Ls: Lonely, Lost, and Lack of Resources. If you struggle with any or all of these, know most importantly that you are not alone… AND there are resources to help break through the limitations and find connection, clarity, and tools to help you move forward.

Let’s break each down:

1. Loneliness

Loneliness is a complex emotional state that can affect anyone, regardless of their social circumstances. It's not just about being physically alone; it's about feeling disconnected and isolated from others, which can have a profound impact on one's mental and emotional well-being. This sense of isolation can be a significant barrier to personal growth, as it often leads to a lack of motivation and engagement with one's goals. 

Studies have shown that our digital age of social media and dopamine inundation has significantly heightened feelings of isolation, contrary to these apps’ claims of bridging connection. 

How Coaching Can Help: Life coaching provides a unique avenue to combat loneliness by offering a consistent and understanding relationship. Coaches serve as an empathetic and non-judgmental source of support, helping you to explore your feelings of loneliness and understand the  root causes. Through personalized sessions, a life coach can help you develop strategies to build meaningful connections and foster a sense of belonging, ultimately reducing feelings of loneliness and enhancing overall quality of life.

2. Feeling Lost

Feeling lost is a common struggle that manifests as a lack of direction or purpose in life. It can be particularly paralyzing for individuals at crossroads or facing significant life transitions, leaving them uncertain about their future and hesitant to make decisions.

How Coaching Can Help: A life coach can be instrumental in navigating these feelings of uncertainty. By providing a safe space for exploration and self-discovery, coaches assist you in gaining clarity about your values, passions, and goals. Through goal-setting and actionable plans, life coaching empowers you to find your path and take steps towards a more fulfilling and purposeful life. The guidance and accountability a coach offers can be crucial in moving from a state of indecision to one of confident action.

3. Lack of Resources

The perception of lacking resources—be it time, money, or skills—can be a significant obstacle to personal development. This struggle often stems from not knowing how to access or utilize existing resources effectively or from feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of acquiring new ones.

How Coaching Can Help: Life coaches excel in helping clients identify and leverage their available resources. Through coaching,  learn to break down your goals into manageable steps and identify what you need to achieve them. Coaches provide insights into efficient time management, budgeting, and skill development, thereby demystifying the process of resource acquisition. Moreover, they can guide you to external resources and networks, expanding your toolkit for success.

Whether you're facing these challenges or others on your journey of self-leadership, I’d love to support you and be your safe, non-judgmental advocate. As a 500 hour certified master coach through the International Coaching Federation and a certified master NLP practitioner, I offer the education, training, and experience to support you towards real and lasting change.  

Schedule a free discovery session any time or reach out to inquire about scholarship opportunities, available to anyone, regardless of income, and covering up to 5 one on one coaching sessions.

Taming the Inner Critic…

Most of us have it, that sneaky internal critical chatter that talks, talks, talks - all day, non-stop.

And while some of that chatter can be useful…

• “Don’t forget to pick up groceries. I can’t wait to try that new recipe!”

• “Oh, that’s a great idea for my work project. I’m feeling so creative today!”

• “Wow, my hair looks good today. Did I use new shampoo?”

Most of the dialogue is not so kind….

• “Why didn’t I stand up for myself in that meeting? I’m such an idiot!”

• “I have so much to do. I’ll never get all of this done in time. Why can’t I be more productive?”

• “These jeans feel so tight. I’ve been eating too much junk food and have no self-control.”

• “Why didn’t I get invited to happy hour? No one likes me. I have no friends.”

Now, this may or may not resonate with you, but you get the point. Much of our inner dialogue can be critical and self-defeating. And it doesn’t feel good.

Thoughts like this might follow you throughout the day, or perhaps, they sneak in while staring at the ceiling wide awake at 3:00am.

Wouldn’t it be nice if that inner critic would cool its jets, or even better, go away completely?

Well, good news. You CAN take action. Here’s how:

1. Notice it: Much of our inner dialogue runs in the background (like those 20 open tabs on your computer). Pay attention and notice its tone, pace, volume, etc. If’s it’s loud, can you make it quieter? If it’s fast, can you slow it down?

2. Listen to it: What is it saying? How is it saying it?

3. Get curious: Ask the thoughts, “What do you want from me? Are you trying to help me? If not, can you try to help me instead of hurting me?”

4. Ask it, “Is this true?”: Boom. The big question. Is what it’s saying even true? Often, it’s not.

5. Remember, you are not your thoughts: Imagine your mind as a big white space, and inside it are a bunch of beautiful balloons. Those balloons symbolize your thoughts. And if one of those thoughts is nasty and unhelpful, pop it! You’ll still be you! Because thoughts are just a piece of us and are not our entire being.

6. Choose different thoughts: Once you’ve noticed, listened, gotten curious, verified truth, and separated the inner critical thoughts from yourself, it’s time to CHOOSE. “Do I keep this negative messaging in my head, or do I DECIDE to create a different thought that will be more loving, compassionate, and helpful for my state of wellbeing?” Which one feels better?

Remember, taming that inner critic takes time. Perhaps the process will never end. But while awareness and tools, perhaps it can cool its jets after all.

Everything After “I am...” Creates

In her work with Lightyear Leadership, author and coach Susanne Conrad shares,

“What you say about yourself has as much, if not more, power as what someone else says about you. By filling yourself moment-to-moment with positive forward-thinking affirmations, you create a powerful, forward-thinking person in yourself.

Remember that your body is intuitive, and be thoughtful about what you say about it. It hears you when you call it chubby one day, or puffy-eyed the next; it hears when you say it’s lazy or incompetent or that it eats too much, too little, too quickly.

Your challenge is to hear yourself when you make these judgements, the moment the words “I am” come out of your mouth, really think about what you say next. Those words could change everything.

Likewise, as you listen to others notice what they say after “I am,” you may discover their deepest insecurities or greatest hope in those subtle phrases.”

Try it out yourself:

- Take a moment to think of 5-10 “I am…” statements that come to mind.

- Notice which were positive/empowering and which were negative/unhelpful.

- Check in with your body sensations on each statement. How did this “I am…” statement change how you feel or change your energy?

- For each negative statement, flip the narrative towards positive and self-affirming words.

- Notice the change in energy, body sensations, thoughts, visions, etc. Likely, you’ll experience a big shift.

- Over the next few days, pay attention to your automatic “I am…” thoughts and expressions, and notice how they make you feel. When a negative “I am…” comes up, pause and reframe.

The freedom of knowing we can CHANGE OUR THOUGHTS is one of our most powerful tools.

Recommended Read

Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

By Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

“From leading psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff comes a step-by-step guide explaining how to be more self-compassionate and achieve your dreams in life.

The relentless pursuit of high self-esteem has become a virtual religion—and a tyrannical one at that. Our ultracompetitive culture tells us we need to be constantly above average to feel good about ourselves, but there is always someone more attractive, successful, or intelligent than we are. And even when we do manage to grab hold of high self-esteem for a brief moment, we can't seem to keep it. Our sense of self-worth goes up and down like a ping-pong ball, rising and falling in lockstep with our latest success or failure.

Fortunately, there is an alternative to self-esteem that many experts believe is a better and more effective path to happiness: self-compassion. The research of Dr. Kristin Neff and other leading psychologists indicates that people who are compassionate toward their failings and imperfections experience greater well-being than those who repeatedly judge themselves. The feelings of security and self-worth provided by self-compassion are also highly stable, kicking in precisely when self-esteem falls down. This book powerfully demonstrates why it's so important to be self-compassionate and give yourself the same caring support you'd give to a good friend.

This groundbreaking work will show you how to let go of debilitating self-criticism and finally learn to be kind to yourself. Using solid empirical research, personal stories, practical exercises, and humor, Dr. Neff—the world's foremost expert on self-compassion—explains how to heal destructive emotional patterns so that you can be healthier, happier, and more effective. Engaging, highly readable, and eminently accessible, this book has the power to change your life."